Question

[0976847670]

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am very glad to hear that the library takes measures to improve service and facilities 

Therefore, I am writing a letter to offer my proposals

As we know that libraries were essential for students and researchers

They are also useful social role for education and entertainment with general reader

In my opinion, libraries should its make the best of their latest publications as well as make sure it has a full set of classical and reference works.

What was a probably importance with this age is access on the Internet on computers

That way that library expand services for readers in worldwide basis

Furthermore, computers were used for major libraries with streamlines cataloguing and administrative tasks

All reliable evidence lend support view along with social development libraries take necessary measures keep up times

I am grateful if take proposals considerations

Your sincerely, 

sửa hộ mk ạ

Answer 1

[_silverlining]

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am very glad to hear that the library is taking measures to improve its services and facilities. Therefore, I am writing this letter to offer my proposals.

As we know, libraries are essential for students and researchers. They also play a useful social role in education and entertainment for the general reader.

In my opinion, libraries should make the best of their latest publications => chỗ này mình chưa hiểu ý bạn lắm, có phải là 'thư viện nên đảm bảo có đủ những ấn phẩm mới nhất' không á :D, as well as ensure they have a full set of classical and reference works.

What is probably important in this age is access to the Internet on computers. That way, the library can expand its services for readers on a worldwide basis.

Furthermore, computers are used in major libraries to streamline cataloguing and administrative tasks. 

All reliable evidence lend support view along with social development libraries take necessary measures keep up times (chỗ này mình cũng không hiểu :D)

I would be grateful if you could take my proposals into consideration.

Yours sincerely

Nhận xét chung nha: Bạn có ý nhưng mà còn thiếu logic và kết nối giữa các ý, recommend bổ sung thêm từ nối (furthermore, besides...) + mấy phần bạn sử dụng V(2,ed) mình chưa hiểu lắm là sao lại dùng ở quá khứ nhỉ. Theo mình thấy thì bạn đang offer proposals cho thư viện để nâng cấp dịch vụ và cơ sở vật chất, như vậy thì bạn có thể dùng ở thì hiện tại, hoặc thêm I think, should + V... Bạn có ý nhưng chưa triển khai ý ra. Ví dụ, ở ý này 'In my opinion, libraries should its make the best of their latest publications as well as make sure it has a full set of classical and reference works.' bạn có thể bổ sung thêm một câu về lợi ích của việc này là gì chẳng hạn.